i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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