just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize