I just made out with a guy for $7.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
