i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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