Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
