The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
