Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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