We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Four minutes until I can fart!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
