If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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