He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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