Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
