John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
