I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
