i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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