Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize