I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
