My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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