ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
