At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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