Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
