how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
