does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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