he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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