I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Buhtt sex?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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