My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
