she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
