Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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