It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
