so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
