The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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