NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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