So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
