Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
