If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
