Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this just has baby written all over it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found puke in my bra..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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