Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
