Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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