I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
