Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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