I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
