My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
