Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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