I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
