Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
