he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
