I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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