he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
