hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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