sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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