You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
