Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
