woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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