dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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