Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am one with the molecules
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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