if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
