Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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