if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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