That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
