I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
