My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
