I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
