I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
