Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
