11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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