normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
