She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
