Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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