that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize