I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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