im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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