my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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