all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
