I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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